It's nearly a month and I am still off the wagon :(
First it was due to the court process. As always it took forever and sometimes I had to get out of the house really early to get stuff done. Then, because I was knackered, I don't want to exercise in the afternoon prefering to nap instead. That lead to not feeling sleepy so get to sleep later and in short, my cycle all got thrown off balance and I am now slightly insomniac.
As always where do I turn to but our trusty guide Ms. Oprah Winfrey? Well, the episode I turn to has dr. Oz (he has Muslim ancestry you know. Yay!) and Bob Greene with his best life diet. Strangely enough, that prompts me to clean out my room and lay out exercise clothes for the morning. Cross fingers I would actually follow that through!
Monday, 23 June 2008
Friday, 23 May 2008
Emotional Eating
Either Tante Oprah or Om Bob Greene said that emotional eating is really the root of the problem. You think you like food but that's just a cover, masking a deeper emotional problem. It took me awhile but yeah, I am too an emotional eater. I eat when I'm bored, stressed, and upset. Though obviously you do need to eat, I now notice that when I'm eating to actually sustain living don't eat all that much. The extras must've come from all those unhappy moment.
I think I've done pretty good these days. Sometimes I do eat more, usually when I ate out with my family, or when there's just that little piece of chocolate cake left, but in general I try to watch what I eat.
However, there are times when I lapse into old habits. Yesterday was one of them. There was miscommunication whcih resulted into cancelled meetings etc so suffice to say I wasted the entire morning and was feeling really low. The first thing that came to mind was that I want to eat good food. So I cab it to my local mall, go to Sushi Tei and ate at the bar. Being upset made me bold so I ogled at the food on parade on the conveyor belt and pick plates I wouldn't normally. I was actually hungry too, so the first two plate really felt nourishing washed down with warm ocha. But the third plate onwards was just feeding the pain and disappoinment I felt yesterday. In the end I ate six little plate of sushi. I stopped just before I feel really really full. Still, I ate about 2 plates more than I should. I then savour my ocha and taking in the atmosphere. I felt much better.
I walk around the mall a bit then my mother came up and we window shop for a bit before sitting down for coffee. This definitely improve my mood. So much so that I can restrain myself against the cheesecake that my mom ordered and fight down the urge to finish off the slice :D
I suppose now the job is to train myself to not indulge my pain and overeat. One meal at a time.
I think I've done pretty good these days. Sometimes I do eat more, usually when I ate out with my family, or when there's just that little piece of chocolate cake left, but in general I try to watch what I eat.
However, there are times when I lapse into old habits. Yesterday was one of them. There was miscommunication whcih resulted into cancelled meetings etc so suffice to say I wasted the entire morning and was feeling really low. The first thing that came to mind was that I want to eat good food. So I cab it to my local mall, go to Sushi Tei and ate at the bar. Being upset made me bold so I ogled at the food on parade on the conveyor belt and pick plates I wouldn't normally. I was actually hungry too, so the first two plate really felt nourishing washed down with warm ocha. But the third plate onwards was just feeding the pain and disappoinment I felt yesterday. In the end I ate six little plate of sushi. I stopped just before I feel really really full. Still, I ate about 2 plates more than I should. I then savour my ocha and taking in the atmosphere. I felt much better.
I walk around the mall a bit then my mother came up and we window shop for a bit before sitting down for coffee. This definitely improve my mood. So much so that I can restrain myself against the cheesecake that my mom ordered and fight down the urge to finish off the slice :D
I suppose now the job is to train myself to not indulge my pain and overeat. One meal at a time.
Monday, 19 May 2008
How I Fell of the (exercise) Wagon
Back in January, thing were going along swimmingly. I exercise everyday for at least 30 minutes. Slowly but surely I increase my time on the treadmill until I manage to stay on for 45 minutes. Until a small accident set me back.
It is actually nothing major but I noticed that my sneakers were becoming a bit loose. It used to fit snugly, now something seems amiss. I didn't think much of it, in fact I thought it was a sign that I've lost some weight that my sneakers are looser. Well, I didn't and it wasn't. It was ripped. I was streching when I noticed something red on the shoe. I thought, that's funny, my shoes doesn't have any red accent on it. Still, because I was focused on training, I didn't really check it out. It wasn't until I sat down to do my sit-ups and was taking off my shoes that I realise the red bit? It wasn't part of my shoe, it was my bright red socks poking through the gap! Eek! On both sides as well.
Now, this annoys me because I just bought the shoes last September, didn't really wear regularly until about October thus I really only use it for about 4 months and it ripped already? I didn't think I was exercising that hard. How can 20 minutes on treadmill everyday called hard training? Not even close!
On normal minded people, they'd just fix the shoes or buy another. Being somewhat abnormal, I put off going to the shoe repair. And when I did go, they told me if they sew it back, it would just rip again so I better off buying new ones. Now, I don't know whether the shoe repair people were just lazy, uncreative, or they were actually telling the truth and I got ripped off by Nike's. Whatever. I was bummed. exercising with ripped shoes just don't feel good. So, what do I do?
I stop exercising.
I fell off the wagon. I jump ship. I sulked.
I want new sneakers. But the ones I wanted were pricey, and I didn't feel like spending that much money on something that would be broken 4 months later. Oy! I tried wearing my older sneaker. Boy, those even felt worse.
Until an angel saw my plight and shone the light on me.
Ok that was bombastic ;) What happened was, as we generally spend either Sunday or Saturday lunching at the local mall, my dearest husband finally noticed how I always look at sneakers, pick them up, turn them around, sigh, then put it back. This happened for a few weekends until he said,"Well, just pick one and I'll pay for it!" Oh my love, you came through for moi! ;)
I picked a pink Reebok pair that supposedly gives a percentage of the sale towards the pink ribbon campaign. Yes, my aunt is a breast cancer survivor so I felt it is only right that I buy this particular pair. It was not cheap but not the most expensive pair either. Then, he also got me some new training clothes so now I really have no reason not to resume training.
How did it go? Well, last week I only manage to exercise 2 days out of 7. But today I can proudly say that I begin the day by eating a chocolate doughnut and promptly goes to the gym to walk it off. Tomorrow, I promise myself that I will train again. Cross fingers this week will go better than last week ;)
It is actually nothing major but I noticed that my sneakers were becoming a bit loose. It used to fit snugly, now something seems amiss. I didn't think much of it, in fact I thought it was a sign that I've lost some weight that my sneakers are looser. Well, I didn't and it wasn't. It was ripped. I was streching when I noticed something red on the shoe. I thought, that's funny, my shoes doesn't have any red accent on it. Still, because I was focused on training, I didn't really check it out. It wasn't until I sat down to do my sit-ups and was taking off my shoes that I realise the red bit? It wasn't part of my shoe, it was my bright red socks poking through the gap! Eek! On both sides as well.
Now, this annoys me because I just bought the shoes last September, didn't really wear regularly until about October thus I really only use it for about 4 months and it ripped already? I didn't think I was exercising that hard. How can 20 minutes on treadmill everyday called hard training? Not even close!
On normal minded people, they'd just fix the shoes or buy another. Being somewhat abnormal, I put off going to the shoe repair. And when I did go, they told me if they sew it back, it would just rip again so I better off buying new ones. Now, I don't know whether the shoe repair people were just lazy, uncreative, or they were actually telling the truth and I got ripped off by Nike's. Whatever. I was bummed. exercising with ripped shoes just don't feel good. So, what do I do?
I stop exercising.
I fell off the wagon. I jump ship. I sulked.
I want new sneakers. But the ones I wanted were pricey, and I didn't feel like spending that much money on something that would be broken 4 months later. Oy! I tried wearing my older sneaker. Boy, those even felt worse.
Until an angel saw my plight and shone the light on me.
Ok that was bombastic ;) What happened was, as we generally spend either Sunday or Saturday lunching at the local mall, my dearest husband finally noticed how I always look at sneakers, pick them up, turn them around, sigh, then put it back. This happened for a few weekends until he said,"Well, just pick one and I'll pay for it!" Oh my love, you came through for moi! ;)
I picked a pink Reebok pair that supposedly gives a percentage of the sale towards the pink ribbon campaign. Yes, my aunt is a breast cancer survivor so I felt it is only right that I buy this particular pair. It was not cheap but not the most expensive pair either. Then, he also got me some new training clothes so now I really have no reason not to resume training.
How did it go? Well, last week I only manage to exercise 2 days out of 7. But today I can proudly say that I begin the day by eating a chocolate doughnut and promptly goes to the gym to walk it off. Tomorrow, I promise myself that I will train again. Cross fingers this week will go better than last week ;)
Thursday, 3 January 2008
Part 4 - The Turning Point
Of all things, it was actually an article in a magazine that jolts her into action. All these things had been brewing in her mind, her genetic inheritance, her sister's asthma, her uncles heart attacks, her two children, but somehow she could not will herself to get up and go. Until an article in the O magazine caught her eye. It says something about how exercising for just 10 minutes a day, if done regurlarly still has health benefit and would make you healthier. That just got her thinking. 10 minutes a day is nothing. She'd gab on the phone with her mom and her sister for far longer. She could trade in one of those phone calls for a spot of exercise. She mulls this over until finally she just got up and go. Just like in the pictures in the magazine ;)
So one morning, after her children showered and breakfasted, she changed into sports gear. She had laid out the outfit the night before to strengten her resolve, so she put them one by one. The sports bra, the track pant, the long sleeve tshirt, her favourite red socks and put on her shoes. Then she find a small bag, stuff a small towel, an mp3 player and a water bottle in it then off she go!
She still remembers some of her personal training way back in Boston. So she started with a warm-up, 5 minutes on the treadmill, then she got off and do some streching; head, arms, legs, then got back on the treadmill for 10 minutes. After that, she did some crunches, then cooling down by streching and meditate for a bit. Then she sign off the gym attendance record and went back up to her apt.
As she waited for the elevator, she thought to herself, "Well, that wasn't so bad. It felt quite good actually!" So she did it again the next day, and the next and before she knew it she had worked out everyday for a whole week! Whoopee!! One week turned to two weeks, three weeks, then a whole months! She had gone from a lazy butt, to actually exercising regularly for 6 days a week and she felt much much better. She feels that she has more energy, lighter, healthier and all around better. She thought, "Wow, I was an idiot for waiting this long to feel better!"
She also progressed with her exercise routine. She added weight training, now able to lift up to 4kg for chest curl, and took aerobic classes the gym offered. She can last longer on the treadmill too! She finally able to go past the 15 minute barrier and is now aiming for 30. She hasn't reach it yet, only at about 20-25 mins but getting there. So now she does aerobic classes 3x a week, go on the treadmill 3x, plus weight and core. She is saving up for lessons with a trainer as she feels she could do with more but she doesn't want to increase without supervision.
Now that she got the exercise part covered, the next thing to do is to work on her eating habit. She still couldn't change it but it will. Just as she finally got around to exercising, the FSG is sure she can change to have a healthier diet ;)
So one morning, after her children showered and breakfasted, she changed into sports gear. She had laid out the outfit the night before to strengten her resolve, so she put them one by one. The sports bra, the track pant, the long sleeve tshirt, her favourite red socks and put on her shoes. Then she find a small bag, stuff a small towel, an mp3 player and a water bottle in it then off she go!
She still remembers some of her personal training way back in Boston. So she started with a warm-up, 5 minutes on the treadmill, then she got off and do some streching; head, arms, legs, then got back on the treadmill for 10 minutes. After that, she did some crunches, then cooling down by streching and meditate for a bit. Then she sign off the gym attendance record and went back up to her apt.
As she waited for the elevator, she thought to herself, "Well, that wasn't so bad. It felt quite good actually!" So she did it again the next day, and the next and before she knew it she had worked out everyday for a whole week! Whoopee!! One week turned to two weeks, three weeks, then a whole months! She had gone from a lazy butt, to actually exercising regularly for 6 days a week and she felt much much better. She feels that she has more energy, lighter, healthier and all around better. She thought, "Wow, I was an idiot for waiting this long to feel better!"
She also progressed with her exercise routine. She added weight training, now able to lift up to 4kg for chest curl, and took aerobic classes the gym offered. She can last longer on the treadmill too! She finally able to go past the 15 minute barrier and is now aiming for 30. She hasn't reach it yet, only at about 20-25 mins but getting there. So now she does aerobic classes 3x a week, go on the treadmill 3x, plus weight and core. She is saving up for lessons with a trainer as she feels she could do with more but she doesn't want to increase without supervision.
Now that she got the exercise part covered, the next thing to do is to work on her eating habit. She still couldn't change it but it will. Just as she finally got around to exercising, the FSG is sure she can change to have a healthier diet ;)
Friday, 21 December 2007
Part 2 - How it Escalates
Part of the FSG's problem is her family. The more they goaded her about her weight, the more she refused to do anything about it. It's a vicious circle really as she just tuned out those who comments about it be it her mother, brother, various aunts and cousins, she just tuned out. She even get pissy with her mother at one time, questioning whether she really cares about her or just her appearance.
Though she may look like she doesn't care, she actually does. She loves magazines, all those glossies with fancy expensive clothes modelled by stick thin models and shot by world famous photogs. While she never really wanted to be in fashion magazine, she wanted to wear the clothes. She wanted to be able to go to the mall and try everything she likes. She wanted to believe that the only reason she's not wearing those clothes is because of the price, not size. Even back in LA she knew she had a problem. All the funky clothes she wants does not come in her size but she just zoomed into denial, buying leather shoes and bags instead.
One would think, being back home where the people are considerably smaller than in the States would change her mind, but no. She just stay in denial mode. Although she really has problem shopping for clothes, the wonderful thing about being home is that she can get them made to measure instead. So while she may not able to sashay into Metro and slide her card for that Biyan outfit, she can definitely spent happy time in Mayestik, sorting out fabrics and getting them made. Or, if she's in the mood for buying actual clothes, some of her sister's friend are in the business. So she just visit their house/atelier/boutique, see the collection and pick whatever she likes. Chance are even if there's none her size, they could make it just for her. What luck eh!
So, what does it take for her to get out of her denial? Not even her wedding could persuade her to lose her weight drastically. She did lose some kilos but not model size kilos. She's still a 'big' bride. She gained weight for the pregnancy so she hire a personal trainer to work out with her for 2 months. She lost some weight. But then, as the PT ended, so did her resolve. With no one paid to push her, she just let exercise slide and reverting back to old routine...
Though she may look like she doesn't care, she actually does. She loves magazines, all those glossies with fancy expensive clothes modelled by stick thin models and shot by world famous photogs. While she never really wanted to be in fashion magazine, she wanted to wear the clothes. She wanted to be able to go to the mall and try everything she likes. She wanted to believe that the only reason she's not wearing those clothes is because of the price, not size. Even back in LA she knew she had a problem. All the funky clothes she wants does not come in her size but she just zoomed into denial, buying leather shoes and bags instead.
One would think, being back home where the people are considerably smaller than in the States would change her mind, but no. She just stay in denial mode. Although she really has problem shopping for clothes, the wonderful thing about being home is that she can get them made to measure instead. So while she may not able to sashay into Metro and slide her card for that Biyan outfit, she can definitely spent happy time in Mayestik, sorting out fabrics and getting them made. Or, if she's in the mood for buying actual clothes, some of her sister's friend are in the business. So she just visit their house/atelier/boutique, see the collection and pick whatever she likes. Chance are even if there's none her size, they could make it just for her. What luck eh!
So, what does it take for her to get out of her denial? Not even her wedding could persuade her to lose her weight drastically. She did lose some kilos but not model size kilos. She's still a 'big' bride. She gained weight for the pregnancy so she hire a personal trainer to work out with her for 2 months. She lost some weight. But then, as the PT ended, so did her resolve. With no one paid to push her, she just let exercise slide and reverting back to old routine...
Wednesday, 19 December 2007
The FSG - Formerly Skinny Girl
Once upon a time, there was a skinny girl who doesn't like to eat but loves cats very much. Her mother would cajole her into eating by prepping foods she likes, giving vitamins, even traditional remedies to get her appetite up but no avail. Until one day, her mother decided that it was time for her to learn how to swim. Coincidentally, it was also at the same time the girl decided to take up ballet, her head filled with pretty ballerinas twirling in glittery tutus, and dreamed that she too would wear such glittery, billowy tutu with a handsome prince at her side. Such was the dream.
So she became quite busy what with ballet, swimming, basketball and other extracurricular activities that came her way that she began to build an appetite. She began to eat. Then, as life would have it, hormones that was dormant decided to wake up and she became ravenous. She became known as "The Human Garbage", eating seconds and thirds of whatever she fancied, finishing food whenever the family ate out. As she was somewhat active she didn't actually become overly huge. Depending on which country she happened to be in, she could be average size veering on the small or she could be on the bigger side. Then she hits her twenties and that's when things start to go sideways.
At Uni, she suddenly has all the time in the world, her only obligation is to go to her academic classes and as she is not athletically inclined thus freed from mandatory PE classes she just do away with sports altogether and though she likes dancing, it just somehow slipped out of her mind. She could take dance classes but just didn't. While she did go out clubbing everynow and then, it was so infrequent it couldn't count as regular exercise. As she doesn't do pub crawl, at weekends when the shops are closed she goes out to eat. A lot. Chinese, Indian, Italian, Thai, Japanese, British, French, Spanish, she tried everything available. Her culinary knowledge expanded. So did her waistline.
Because she went to universities in pedestrian cities, she's somewhat saved by walking around everywhere. The fat cells don't grow as fast. Towards the end of her studies she even made the effort of joining a gym, get a personal trainer, and was on the way to get stomach definition. Then, of course she had to move to a car city where the only walking done is around the mall and when doing photocopies at work. All those stomach muscles slowly pack their bags and migrate out.
But that wasn't really bad. Yes, by then she's officially overweight, but there's still hope as her new office was on the third floor with no elevator. Although all those snacking during creative meetings didn't really helped at least those ghastly shooting schedule balanced it out. Then she got pregnant. Quit work. Have another child. And now she's seriously overweight.
While she knows she needs to exercise, she finds it really hard to get going. Someone needs to whup her ass. Or at least commiserate on the treadmill together. But waiting for that someone... she could wait forever. Or is she really willing to just while away her time being fat, overweight and unhealthy?
So she became quite busy what with ballet, swimming, basketball and other extracurricular activities that came her way that she began to build an appetite. She began to eat. Then, as life would have it, hormones that was dormant decided to wake up and she became ravenous. She became known as "The Human Garbage", eating seconds and thirds of whatever she fancied, finishing food whenever the family ate out. As she was somewhat active she didn't actually become overly huge. Depending on which country she happened to be in, she could be average size veering on the small or she could be on the bigger side. Then she hits her twenties and that's when things start to go sideways.
At Uni, she suddenly has all the time in the world, her only obligation is to go to her academic classes and as she is not athletically inclined thus freed from mandatory PE classes she just do away with sports altogether and though she likes dancing, it just somehow slipped out of her mind. She could take dance classes but just didn't. While she did go out clubbing everynow and then, it was so infrequent it couldn't count as regular exercise. As she doesn't do pub crawl, at weekends when the shops are closed she goes out to eat. A lot. Chinese, Indian, Italian, Thai, Japanese, British, French, Spanish, she tried everything available. Her culinary knowledge expanded. So did her waistline.
Because she went to universities in pedestrian cities, she's somewhat saved by walking around everywhere. The fat cells don't grow as fast. Towards the end of her studies she even made the effort of joining a gym, get a personal trainer, and was on the way to get stomach definition. Then, of course she had to move to a car city where the only walking done is around the mall and when doing photocopies at work. All those stomach muscles slowly pack their bags and migrate out.
But that wasn't really bad. Yes, by then she's officially overweight, but there's still hope as her new office was on the third floor with no elevator. Although all those snacking during creative meetings didn't really helped at least those ghastly shooting schedule balanced it out. Then she got pregnant. Quit work. Have another child. And now she's seriously overweight.
While she knows she needs to exercise, she finds it really hard to get going. Someone needs to whup her ass. Or at least commiserate on the treadmill together. But waiting for that someone... she could wait forever. Or is she really willing to just while away her time being fat, overweight and unhealthy?
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Part 3 - Reasons to Exercise
Yes, she knows, one is supposed to lead a healthy life, exercise and eat well and all that. But how come when it comes to actually doing it one is suddenly so damn unavailable? Hubby hints the other day that didn't she bought a sneaker the other day? Eer... yes... it is there on the credit card statement. So how come he never sees her wearing it? She could of course, provide an elaborate answer saying oh I exercise when you're at work etc etc etc... But the simple truth is, the shoes are still in the box.
Reasons why the shoes are still in the box:
1) She bought it just before Ramadhan. One could but does not desire to exercise during fasting. Prefer to sleep. Or read the Quran.
2) She's in the middle of redecorating her apt - read: re arranging her study, books, etc. Thus is 'exercising' around the house.
3) Lost some weight during Ramadhan. No need to exercise yet.
But you know, those lost kilos are quickly finding themselves. Worse, they bring their friends and their sisters along. Oy! The FSG really really must get off her butt and haul them downstairs to the gym. It's there, it's free - well they already paid for it with the monthly service charge. So what is this imaginary boulder that blocks her path from the gym? Especially when she actually needs it. Badly. Diabetic Dad, family history of heart disease and asthma, a husband, two kids. Does she needs a longer list?
She has the books, the props, some gear. She even promised herself a red iPod. Still, she procastinates. Even though she told her daughter don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Hypocrite much?
Reasons why the shoes are still in the box:
1) She bought it just before Ramadhan. One could but does not desire to exercise during fasting. Prefer to sleep. Or read the Quran.
2) She's in the middle of redecorating her apt - read: re arranging her study, books, etc. Thus is 'exercising' around the house.
3) Lost some weight during Ramadhan. No need to exercise yet.
But you know, those lost kilos are quickly finding themselves. Worse, they bring their friends and their sisters along. Oy! The FSG really really must get off her butt and haul them downstairs to the gym. It's there, it's free - well they already paid for it with the monthly service charge. So what is this imaginary boulder that blocks her path from the gym? Especially when she actually needs it. Badly. Diabetic Dad, family history of heart disease and asthma, a husband, two kids. Does she needs a longer list?
She has the books, the props, some gear. She even promised herself a red iPod. Still, she procastinates. Even though she told her daughter don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Hypocrite much?
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